by Norma Cook Everist

Sex in the City singles versus soccer moms. Which audience to aim for? This is just the most recent way women have been set in opposition to each other: as targets of campaign advertising dollars. But the headlines don’t even mention the large number of older women who vote faithfully. 

And then there’s that old Irving Berlin song, "Sisters": "Lord help the mister who comes between me and my sister, and Lord help the sister who comes between me and my man." 

Too often women have been divided from each other. News interviews look for the points of antagonism: "You stayed at home to raise your children; don’t you think the career woman should do the same?" Magazines objectify: models wear designer clothes, but the rest of us can only dream. We classify: "If we could just convince those young women to come to the meeting." And, yes, we are sometimes divided in the competition for men. "Lord help the sister." 

Even though women bond, society puts us in categories: single/married; old/young; pretty/plain; childbearing/barren; clergywoman/laywoman; lesbian/straight; rich/poor; fat/thin; good/bad; working/nonworking (whatever that means — all women work!). Such descriptions tempt us to allow ourselves to be divided from other women, to be competitive, or to exclude each other in shame or blame.

We are different from one another, but do we need to compete? Women, in our differences, may instead accompany one another on the journey of faith and life. And that companionship makes for a wonderful journey!

Biblical pairings of women
Mary and Martha, Rachel and Leah, Sarah and Hagar, harlot and virgin. Women in Scripture frequently appear in pairs, and their stories often are set against one another.
Consider 1 Samuel 1:1—2:10. How strange that the story of two women begins not with them but with "There was a certain man . . ." The text — and the husband — divides the women: "the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hannah had no children" (1:2). No wonder the women became rivals; their worth was defined by their differences.

We remember Esther being called "at such a time as this" not to keep silent but to speak up for deliverance for her people (Esther 4:9–17). But do we remember the beginning of the story in Esther 1 and the courage of Vashti, the queen she replaced? Vashti’s refusal to be objectified, to be paraded before the king, cost her her life. So threatened were the king’s male sages at the thought that "this deed of the queen will be made known to all women," causing no end of trouble, that they urged the king to "give her royal position to another who is better than she" (1:17, 19).And why do so many sermons on Luke 10:38–42 miss the central point for all of us — how easily we are distracted from the Word, Christ, through worry about many things — by focusing on separating Mary and Martha into good woman/bad woman? Both wanted to serve their friend Jesus. Note that in the account of the raising of Lazarus (John 11:1–44), it is Martha who goes out to meet Jesus while Mary stays at home (v. 20).But in contrast to the ways women are set against each other, the story of God coming to live among us begins with these words: "In the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent by God ..." Sixth month of what? Luke 1:26 does not refer to a calendar month or even to the reign of a mighty ruler. Remember verse 24? "After those days ... Elizabeth conceived, and for five months she remained in seclusion." Then comes verse 26, "In the sixth month ..." The incarnation of Christ is marked by the connection of two women’s pregnancies.

Right after Mary believingly responds, "Here I am, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word," she sets out with haste to serve the older Elizabeth (Luke 1:38–40). We learn in verse 56 that Mary remained with Elizabeth about three months before returning to her home.

For reflection
Woman have worked, laughed, cried, and prayed together in kitchens and around conference tables, seeking to "get things done" in nonhierarchical, noncompetitive ways.

• How have you experienced women working together positively?
• What painful divisions have you experienced?
• Has using your gifts ever seemed to threaten other women or men? In what way?
• What comments have you received that set you against other women?

The changing roles of women and men in society and in the church have brought new possibilities for partnerships but also renewed potential for misunderstanding. Women working together can be seen by others as threatening. I have noticed, for example, that often when a small group of women clergy talk together in a room full of male clergy, a man will approach us and jokingly say, "We’ll have to break this up." But the joke falls flat; we don’t want to be "broken up." Others need not feel threatened when faithful people gather for support and encouragement, no matter what the composition of the group.

We are called to be faithful to God in being who we are through using our gifts, not hiding them. We are created for interdependence to support and encourage our sisters’ service to God.

• Think about women with whom you have been compared or with whom you have been tempted to compete. How might you support one another?
• Think about some barriers to strong, positive relationships with women. What are some specific things you might do to build understanding and trust?
• Think about a specific woman who looks unlike you or whose life choices have been very different from your own. What do you have in common?

The women in your life
As you picture your women companions, I will share details about some of mine.

Linda and I sat on the steps of her house in Detroit on 30th Street. I lived on 28th. She is African-American and a Baptist, and I, Euro-American and a Lutheran. We had waited through two pregnancies together. We met each Friday morning for Bible study. And then the l967 riots came (rebellions, really, for they were a challenge to society’s racism). We could have been divided by race, but we were determined that we would not be. In spite of our differences, we are so much alike. We have remained companions through crisis. She sang at my ordination in Connecticut years later. And years later still, she visited our Wartburg Seminary community in Dubuque. Last summer my husband and I traveled to Detroit to visit Linda, a widow of two weeks. We cried and kissed. She quoted God’s word in Jeremiah 31:3: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."

Louise and I could be divided by age. Though the thirty years’ difference between us could separate us, we love to have tea and talk and talk and talk.

Edie and I could slide into society’s division: single/married. But through the years, we have continued our friendship, though she lives in California and I in Iowa. I visit her home; she loves my kids.

Karen and I have an international friendship. Actually, there are many special Karens in my life, but this one lives in Australia. Dear, gentle Karen. I wish we lived closer, but close we are, nonetheless.

Karna and I, college roommates, are now separated not only by miles but by stage of life. She talks excitedly about retirement travels, and I talk excitedly about teaching.

And then, of course, I think of my biological sister, Marianne, who has known me in every chapter of my life. What a precious gift she is to me!

Companions in difficulty
All is not warm and wonderful in women’s lives. Three women traveled home from an out-of-town women’s gathering. It took five hours. They had known each other for years but had not talked like this before. Beneath a calm exterior each was dealing with difficulties at home, only hinted at before. Even they were surprised at the extent of their problems and the depth of their sharing. Two were married to men with alcohol problems, and one had an abusive husband. What they had in common was the task of coping with work, children, church — being "responsible." They could not tell each other what to do. Nor did they wish to compare: "I have it worse than you." They could listen to each other in their differences. (The women with alcoholic husbands lived in different situations and eventually went in different directions in their marriages.) They connected at a deep level, sharing Christ and finding the strength to make the necessary decisions.

Companions with Christ
Women are called to companionship with each other through companionship in Christ. ELCA companion synods connect vastly different parts of the global church, but not in a one-up/one-down relationship, nor even as giver and receiver, which, when the giving always goes in one direction, can become one always up and one always down. Companionship across economic differences leads us to challenge unjust systems like the globalization of consumer capitalism, which is being built on the lowest-paid labor of women in developing countries, keeping them perpetually poor. No matter how much society compels us to compete and destroy, women of God meet each other in forgiveness for new life.

Women’s companionship has often had to be private, or, if public, kept quiet, lest women’s witness and powerful work threaten the powers that be. Read Luke 23 and 24. The resurrection account begins in Luke 24 with "they came to the tomb." But who are "they"? They are the women who had stood at a distance; they had been there together all along. They had seen Jesus led to the cross. "A great number of the people followed him, and among them were women" (Luke 23:27). They had stayed at the crucifixion when the mere spectators left: "But all his acquaintances, including the women who had followed him from Galilee, stood at a distance, watching these things" (v. 49). They had stayed to serve: "The women who had come with him from Galilee followed [the mention of their longtime discipleship is repeated, lest we miss it], and they saw the tomb and how his body was laid. Then they returned, and prepared spices and ointments." And then they had rested (vss. 55–56).Now we know who these women companions are — but we do not hear their names: They got up at dawn. They came to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away. And, yes, they were perplexed and terrified and heard the question "Why do you look for the living among the dead?" (Luke 24:5). When the women give witness to what they had remembered, seen, and heard, they are finally named together: Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and others.

And, together, they found that their words were dismissed. They were not believed.

Women today walk together from the tomb seeking life, not death. They seek to witness boldly and to serve in powerful ways, as companions with the living Christ, companions of one another.

Norma Cook Everist is professor of church and ministry at Wartburg Theological Seminary, Dubuque, Iowa. She is a pastor, a deaconess, and a companion of many women.